Thursday, March 27, 2008
7 Habits of Highly Defective Dating!
1. Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship.
C.S. Lewis describes friendship as two people walking side by side toward a common goal. Their mutual interest brings them together. In dating romantic attraction is often the cornerstone of the relationship. The promise of dating is “I’m attracted to you; therefore, let’s get to know each other”. The premise of friendship, on the other hand is “We’re interested in the same things; lets enjoy these common interest together.” If romantic attraction forms after developing friendship, it’s an added bonus. Intimacy without commitment is defrauding. Intimacy without friendship is superficial. A relationship based solely on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last.
2. Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
Focusing on the physical is plainly sinful. God demands sexual purity. And he does this because he is holy. He also does it for our own good. Physical involvement can distort two people’s perspective of each other and lead to unwise choices. God also knows well carry the memories of our past physical involvements into marriage. He doesn’t want us to live with guilt and regret. Physical involvement can make two people feel close. But if many people really examined the focus of their dating relationships, they’d probably discover that all they have in common is lust.
3. Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationship.
Dating is about two people focusing on each other. Unfortunately, in most cases the rest of the world fades into the background. If you’ve ever felt like a third wheel when hanging out with two friends who are dating each other, you know how true this is. In Proverb 15:22 we read “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” If we make our decision about life based solely on the influence of one relationship, we’ll probably make poor judgments. The exclusive attention so often expected in dating relationship has a tendency to isolate them from the friends who love them most, family members who know them best, and sadly even God, whose will is far more important than any romantic interest.
4. Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.
One of the saddest tendencies of dating is to distract young adults from developing their God given abilities and skills. Instead of serving in their local church, instead of equipping themselves with the character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life, many allow themselves to be consumed by the present needs that dating emphasizes. Dating may help you practice a good boyfriend or girlfriend but are these skills we need for marriage? Even if you’re going out with the person you will one day marry, a preoccupation with being the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend now can actually hinder you from being the future husband or wife that person will one day need.
5. Dating can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness.
Recreational dating causes dissatisfaction because it encourages a wrong use of this freedom. God has placed a desire in most men and women for marriage. Although we don’t sin when we look forward to marriage we might be guilty of poor stewardship of our singleness when we allow a desire for something God obviously doesn’t have for us yet to rub our ability to enjoy and appreciate what he has given.
6. Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s character.
Dating creates an artificial environment for two people to interact in. as a result each person can easily convey an equally artificial image.
7. Dating often become an end itself.
For the man or woman who is ready to get married, the dating scene and the habits it encourages aren’t helpful. It can seem like you’re making something happen but just be getting into holding pattern of one short-term relationship after another.
From the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye of Joshua Harris.